Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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