I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
