Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
