Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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