Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
