Whod you bang
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
