I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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