4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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