so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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