Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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