Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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