happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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