i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
