Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
