She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
