if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize