put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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