i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize