so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How external is "for external use only"?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
