I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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