Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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