I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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