Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is an emotional support booty call
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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