I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
that's an acceptable place to lick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
