A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
