My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
