Will you blow on my dice?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
