smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I supernannyed him into submission
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
