She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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