remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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