When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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