Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
