tell your sister to shave her snatch
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
