U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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