i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.