JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.