I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.