At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.