Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.