Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
