All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
