i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
