turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
