totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
