so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im holly from the hills drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
