I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
