In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
