Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
