Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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