Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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