ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
