he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
