Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
