i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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