wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
