How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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