What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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