Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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