Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
