I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
don't judge my taste in strippers
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
