Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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