Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize