Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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