first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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