of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this will be a night to untag.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
