I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
