Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
