**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
