True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
