drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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