you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
