Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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