I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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