Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
