Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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