You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she looked like the before picture.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
