for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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